I knew it was going to be a madhouse out there because of the weather, so we were both getting giddy on our 15 minute drive out there. We got off at Greenfield and pull up to the light and it's just solid walls of ricers, with the occasional dude in the Grand Prix that thinks he's quick but in reality is just a fucking moron, going north and south. I knew it was going to be a good night. So we start our little run, Civics trying to intimidate me with their cute fart cannons filling my car with that "I don't know shit about tuning" scent, so a quick demonstration of the beauty of my car's raw sexiness and my impeccable driving skills seemed to ward most of them away. At this point, I have a massive grin.
A little later some cats in an Escalade pull up next to us and start screaming "JESUS! JESUS!" So I deliver a few quips and one liners about how HILARIOUS(/sarcasm) I find it still that I look like Jesus, we become fast friends and they play me Phil Collins over their speakers and dedicate it to me....I don't know why, but it was.....cute? I let them have their fun and returned Cannibal Corpse's "I Cum Blood" back at them, I'm just so Christ-like :-D.
So the night went on, destroyed one tool in his ricemobile after another, some other cuntflap in his mom's Beemer here and there, ate several Mustangs and Camaros for dinner(they give you horrible gas though be careful <_<) and in all honesty the pissed off looks I get everytime they realize that I was just toying with them for the first 400 feet giving them that false hope that they would pull out ahead as my car suddenly takes off leaving them only with the wonderful rumble of my baby blue to shatter their hopes. So as I said until this point that night's going wonderful, added with the fact that I have near immunity with the authorities as my car is still registered to Elmendorf AFB, and most cops seem to have a soft side when it comes to veterans, so even better. So we're heading south down highway when we come up to this Beetle convertible with its top down, and I catch sight of some long billowing hair coming from the driver and passenger seat. Still not expecting much I pull up a bit further to find that there is two of the most wonderful looking females inside. I make my presence known, they look over with that "Oh yeah" look and suddenly this cockbag in an Audi A4 shoots up in between us, blocking me from my goal. I was ready to call it quits when he began trying to show off for them, I mean how many people actually know cars and easily fall for those four silver rings instead of the unassuming and intense blue on gold of my Subie? Suddenly, the A4 tries to show of his "speed" and the Beetle hits the brakes and slides on in between them and pull up right next my passenger seat. Holy anal fissure, these girls actually know cars! I was quite excited at this point, only one more step to know if they're truly awesome, I lean forward and begin talking to them, they both make eye contact with me, and give me full and open smiles. Fucking killer! My long hair and beardage didn't scare them off! So we talk for a few minutes, exchanging flirtatious looks and such, when they tell us that we should meet them at Burger King. Confused I tell them the BK is the opposite direction, they acknowledge this simple fact and again tell us to head to BK. So I assumed they meant then and there and I flip a bitch at the next available spot and head to BK assuming these beauties in the bug were following along. We get to BK and we seem to have lost them, I realized then that I made a U-turn at an illegal spot and realized that they probably headed down to the first legal spot to turn. So we wait a few, and as always, where I park draws unwanted eyes and some dude who appeared to really enjoy rubber fists in his ass pull into the BK parking lot in his stupid ass Saaaaaab and gets out and opens his hood....why? Then more people begin filing into the parking lot....I don't want to start a convention godammit! I want to talk to these cute girls and see if they're actually cool shit or just whores. So now our sight is blocked from down the road, and a few seconds later there go the cuties in the bug, with the passenger pointing back at us. Now we were in a dilemma, do I shoot out of the parking lot and catch up with them to arrange another meeting place or do I sit and wait and hope they come back. We decided that chasing them down would be a creeper move but that waiting would be too, so we get back on the road assuming we'd run into them again at some point. Over the next couple of hours we raced and cruised and drowned out the "Kids in the sandbox" loving Kiss FM listeners with the gospel of heavy metal. So we were making God happy at least. We kept hitting the strip though trying to find some females that didn't look like their brother was their father or that didn't have 16 year old boys crammed into the back of their Neon, really your choices are limited in Milwaukee I guess, we talked to a few more girls, most of them were stupid or just interested in the car, oh well, they can go give some dude in his mom's Cobalt road head, they're not for me. We stop and jump some guy's car at a Speedway since most people out their are "too cool" to be seen helping someone who's in need out. Now I got karma on my side, should totally be able to run into them again. Well we didn't, shit started clearing out at one, leaving only drunks and Acuras out on the street, so we head back. I can't go out tomorrow since I have to work all fucking day and night, so next week we'll hopefully find them again, if not, then it proves that karma is just saving up some shit for me or something, and I got a week to detail my car and give it a proper washing with showroom wax and get my rims back to their shiny gold color in hopes of really turning every eye out on highway green. In the meantime, if any of you know two extremely pretty females that drive a gold/beige/silver(I'm not quite sure) convertible bug let them know the blue on gold Subie with Alaska plates says hi :-p
I have always hated imports. Especially all of those fucking dildo rompers thinking that their cool by putting giant cans on their stock as fuck exhaust system. Half of the stupid fucks that drive around Hondas, Toyotas, Acuras, whatever that are all riced out can't even drive stick right and consistently roast the fuck out of their clutch just to get going. Jesus christ, I hate stupid people.
ReplyDeleteI have always been a cold blooded American vehicle guy, but I have grown a liking to Subaru. Just out of curiosity, what year is that unit, and have you done much to it? I know some of the WRXs that come out of the factory are pushing nearly 300 horse. Looks like a newer one to me, is that actually a manual trans in their, or is it one of the newer direct shift gearboxes (paddle shifts) like some VWs have?
What do you have against imports? I'll admit some, actually most, people who drive them don't know anything about them and put giant coffee can exhausts, pvc cold air intakes, and their chicken wire grills. If an import car is done right there's no argument that they are amazing vehicles. You can make just as much hp out of a 4 cylinder as you can out of an 8. American muscle is cool, but you cant be new technology.
ReplyDelete