Conference Time

I have my conference today. I think I am pretty much set with my paper. I just have to work on my presentation and I definitely think I am going to go with the magazine idea (mainly because nothing more brilliant has come to mind). Anyways, I am happy with how everything is coming together. I know he still has to read my reflective essay, but I think I am meeting all of the goals with it as well. So I am feeling good. Now if I could just feel that way about all of my other classes. I would be golden.

Where do I live again?

So all I do is go back and forth from home and the hospital. And if I had a laptop I would probably never leave the hospital.
I have my conference on Friday and I hope that I hear some good news. I think my paper is doing okay but I have no idea what to do about presentation. I cant think of anything to add into my paper that would make it sound better or be absorbed better. I found one intersting quote that I stuck in for aesthetics(?) but otherwise nothing. I was thinking of making it into a magazine because what I am writing about is something that reminds me of those articles you see in TIME magazine so I am thinkin I might do that. Format it like a TIME magazine too, with all the pictures and little block quotes in random spots so you are never truly forced to read the whole article to understand what is going on. The lazy way to gather intelligence. I love it.
Anyways, I want school to be over just like every other person on this blog. I cant wait for one less stressor. Stay positive. Just stay positive.

I think it is.

I am pretty happy with my paper. I think I need to revamp the intro because it is a little blah and there are a few more 'connections' that need to be made, but otherwise I think it is pretty much complete. The only issue I really have left to worry about is the whole presentation thing. I think I want to get some good quotes to stick in there but I don't know how I should make it look or how I should enhance it. Do I need to make specific word choices? I don't know. But what I do know is that my keyboard is acting strange and is skipping letters when I type. Oy..
We are heading back to the hospital in a few minutes but I just wanted to make sure I remembered to blog because I dont have a computer once I leave home. It is so hard having him there, but we can board there which is really wonderful and gives me comfort. I just want to have him home with us.
Everything else seems so trivial now, but I know I just have to push through the semester because now matter how I feel I still KNOW how important school is.
I love being a mommy...
and now, back to working on english. Woo.

Trying to keep up.

Finished my rough draft tonight. It has been a horrible week. But I feel better that I have completed my second draft. It is completely different from my first and it really has little to do with Bin Laden, but I think that I did a much better job of using my sources. I dont know if my paper is very good in terms of answering or resolving my question, but I think I really got some good analysis going and I think I was able to engage my sources. I will wait to hear what everyone says though. I dont feel confident, but for the moment I feel relieved. I am exhausted and it has been hard to concentrate on school with everything that has been happening. But it is pertinent that I keep my eye on the prize, regardless of what else is going on in my life. I just hope that I can continue to be sucessful. I havent been able to sleep much because these hospital beds are as comfortable as a rock and it is hard to sleep with moniters attached to you and everytime you move a nurse has to come in and find the baby again in your tummy so it has been almost impossible to get any rest. I was allowed to get wheeled outside today and it was so wonderful to get out of this room. Otherwise I just worked on my paper and tried to get a few things accomplished. I hope that my paper is closer to meeting the course goals. In fact, I am praying that it is because I could certainly use a little less stress in my life right now.

Spring Break and Homework

They should never mix, by the way.
To be completely honest, I have not spent much time thinking about english. I had homework in all of my classes and those assignments seemed more entertaining than this one, so here I am, attempting to finish this one over the weekend, before I head off to work and deal with whatever crap awaits me there.
4 aids on the floor last night. ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS.
Not only that, but because I work full time and go to school full time, I have neglected a lot of things over the past few months and so I had to take time this week to get things organized. The baby is going to be here in two months. I am on my countdown. And I dont like feeling unprepared.
And I do.
My mind is in total baby mode. Not to mention that I have this horrible pain in my side that wont go away and I dont know if it is baby kicking me or if it is my gallbladder, which apparently can become quite abnoxious with women in their third trimester, and I itch all over. And when I say all over, I mean even my fingers itch. And that is really unpleasant. And when you are feeling overweight and overworked and overtired and overstressed, it is hard to focus on school.
Where was I? Oh yes...
BABY!
But I am incredibly excited. I tried to get his room together, but its hard because I know that I am going to be having a baby shower when his family gets back from Mexico. That's right. We were supposed to go to Mexico for his sister's wedding, but Mexico and 7 months pregnant just did not seem to mix. So here we are. At home. Grr.
So, about this who paper thing...
I re read what I wrote from my first draft. Finally. I never like reading my drafts because I am always afraid that I am going to look at them and go "UGH" and then feel like a huge failure and have to start all over. I dont know if I was critical and I still dont exactly get what it means. I think I came up with some new ideas, but what do I know. I do know, however, that I need to take a good long look at the course goals and really focus on them, because I didnt give two craps about them the first time. I just started writing. There was so much in my brain that I just had to get it out on paper. It felt good, but now I feel overwhelmed again because I sort of feel like I am back at square one.
I dont know if I am on the right track or not.
I think a good start for tomorrow would be to do an outline and try to figure out what I am trying to do with my essay. What I got out of it in the end was that America needs to work with the Arab world, not focus on taking down Bin Laden, because bringing them up and raising their confidence will take away his power. Therefore destroying his following, at least to a greater extent. But I dont know if that is critical or if that is just me spouting off my opinions. I think I might try to incorporate what I wrote last Friday into my paper, becaue I think that what I came up with then was more critical, per say, but it needs refinement. Do I have to come up with new terms? Random generalizations about what I think are not going to help me now. I need to dig deep.
This is frustrating. Thinking is difficult.
On the topic of these blogs...
Shank's blog was really interesting. When I first opened up his page, I thought his layout was awesome. I loved the pictures and the even the style of text he used. It looked academic (can somehting look that way?). But I really dont think it was. I think it was a man at him computer reflecting on his thoughts and the thoughts of his community and really isnt that all a blog is? It wasnt academic inquiry he was engaging in. I think it was just him trying to make sense of a lot of different ideas and concepts. It was interesting (though I was lost reading some of the post, I admit) but he didnt say anything new or do anything or change anything. He had some unique thoughts, but everyone has those. Are there any stakeholders in his blogging? Yes. I think people who are a part of his community care about what his ideas and thoughts and reflections are. He is an important member of their society and when he talks (or blogs), people tend to listen. Perhaps someone is taking his ideas and actually using them to perform academic inquiry. I dont know. Do I think he was critical? Perhaps. I think at times he started going somewhere, but it never went far enough. And it didnt have to. This blog appears more professional on the surface, when you look at the structure of the opening page and its layout. It looks professional. But I dont think it is entirely. He is not opening up about his personal life, this is true, but he is not attempting to address anyone specifically. I dont believe that he sits down at the computer and considers what he going to say and who he is going to address before beginning his writing. I think that he just begins to write. He is writing about a profession and about academic topics and therefore his work may seem more professional, but I think it is more personal. I think he is really just trying to write what he thinks and feels, about what his opinions are and what he believes is important and interesting and unique.
I absolutely loved Dooce's blog. It had me laughing. I read her three part labor story (seeing as I thought it would be relavent) and I really enjoyed her writing style. She made me feel as though I was experiencing things with her. I have a lifestyle that is similar to hers. I have my home, with my fiancee and our cats and our soon to be new edition. And all those mundain aspects of life really dont seem that mundain when you are happy with your life. Her talking about her morning routine or her children or something funny her dogs did are all part of what makes life great. It is what your life is made off. And so I could really relate. I think though that she is playing to an audience. She writes like she is speaking to a crowd. She knows how to keep you engaged and she writed with a purpose. There is a topic and there is an ending. It is not purely random. But that is ok. She makes her living this way. She is good at what she is trying to sell, and that is her life and her experiences. Is she critical. In her own way. In her labor story she has some moments of thought provoking change and some interesting things to say about the birthing process. But I dont think what she has to say is extra ordinary. Would the world go on without her blog? Of course. She has not contributed anything of great importance. Her blogs are merely reiterations of her daily life. There is nothing that shows to me that she is on a quest to answer questions or understand her ideas any further. She is just writing about what she is experiencing. And she is good at it. And that is what brings people back to read more of her work. She has a huge stage to work with. The internet has given her the chance to share her life with people all over the world and that is the amazing thing about the internet. It connects people and life experiences and you realize that we are not so very different from one another. One thing bothered me. All the advertisements on her page. When I first opened it, I thought I had gone to the wrong site. It made everything at first seem really impersonal. But it is a business. It just gave it a feeling of being disconnected. I didnt like that.
I may go back and read more about both blogs.
But for now, I am just glad that I can go and do something else. I think I will go read over my A and P notes for my test coming up next week. That sounds exilerating.

I am confused

I finished my paper. 15 pages.
And I have no idea if I did it correctly. But now I cant upload my paper onto google docs. I made a new account with my UWM ID, but it doesnt show me any sharred files. I am confused. And that pisses me off because I just want to be done with this paper for right now. I just got home from work and I am tired and I want to go to bed. I am going to upload it anyways and if it doesnt work then I will have to try again tomorrow. Some things should just go my way.
But I am proud of myself for writing this paper and I actually do feel like I accomplished something, however, I think that has yet to be determined.

Reading and reading...

Well I am continuing to read my sources with new vigor. I am glad we have a week to work on this rough draft but I am still nervous about the fact that I am going to do this completely wrong. I think I may have my controlling purpose down, but I am not sure. I dont have much else to write about. I am sure once I start writing, however, I will have plenty to say. :D

TGIF.

Thank goodness it's Friday.
I am very proud of myself because I managed to finish the bibliography assignment without pulling my hair out.
I am pretty sure I have decided what my controlling purpose but there is always room for tweaking. It did help me to start reading some of my sources with an idea of how I will be using them for my paper, instead of just reading with what I felt was no purpose. That is just frustrating...
Lots to do this weekend in terms of homework, but thankfully I have the weekend off work, so I can breath a sigh of relief. No old people.
Just a ton of homework...

...

I am so done with this project.
With that being said, I should at least attempt to be more positive. I thought I knew what I wanted to write about, but now I find myself unable to even understand what I am trying to work on. I found some books and a few online sources, but I am so unsure as to how to piece them together. I am over tired and cranky. Boo.
It is hard for me to try and write this bibliography because I really do not know what sources I want to use. I am trying to read the books that I found, but I become distracted and unmotivated easily. I have a lot else going on in my life which consumes my time and I sometimes think that this english project can wait, until I find myself up at 2 in the morning because I was busy doing other things. I think I may be over thinking all of this, but I really would like to finish developing my question before I start writing paragraphs and committing myself to sources I am not sure I will even be using. At first I thought Kant would help me understand religion, but he seems to be confusing me more than anything else. I am trying very hard and I just feel as though I am getting absolutely no where. I need help, desperately.

Pondering...

So I think I am getting somewhere...maybe. Writing his ideas down and then trying to understand what they are saying is a bit easier, but interpretting them is not. I am not sure if I did the assignment for today correctly, but I tried to draw my own conclusions. I really did. No mere spewing of information for this lady.
This is becoming increasingly difficult....
I thought I had an idea as to where I wanted to go with this paper, but as a proceed, I am becoming more and more lost. Perhaps it is because I am focusing too much on Kant, however, he is supposed to be the basis for my own frame of reference, so arent I supposed to pick him apart.
He needs to speak in plain English (German). This would make things so much easier.
I need to step up on my reading. I have no time. I dont want to fall behind and be scrambling at the end. I think I need more help then I initially thought I did.
Oh well...so much for success.

5 o'clock AM

So right now I can honestly say that I am writing in this blog because we have to. I was working on my assignment for this morning when my computer spontaneously shut down and word refust to let me open the autosave copy. This was at 3:30 this morning.
It is re-written and I think that I am starting to have some progress with my understanding of Kant (thanks to the help of sparknotes) but also to having to use quotes because if forced me to really try to understand what he was saying. It helped me to absorb some of his ideas which I am greatful for. With that being said, I think we should have no homework for Friday, because I am exhausted and could use an actual night of sleep.
But this was a good assignment, despite my issues writing it. Kant is getting a little bit easier to understand, but I am still not sure how I am going to piece everything together. Oy....

Frustration

I am completely frustrated with this whole research paper. I thought that actually having a topic I enjoyed learning about would help move this whole process along, but it has not. Attempting to read Kant is incredibly difficult and perhaps a bit mind numbing??(only because I seem completely unable to comprehend what he is saying). My other source is unavailable at the library and now I have to consider buying it and that is depressing. But I am complaining too much. Despite a few drawbacks I do think I have started to develop a few of my own ideas about my topic. This makes me happy. And now I am going to go and study for my A and P exam. YAY!

English 102 Blog

I have never blogged before and I dont understand what I am supposed to be doing, but I am somewhat interested in seeing how this all plays out. It is kind of a nice tool to have because we are able to discuss things related to what we talked about in class and maybe get some new perspectives. It could also greatly help with this whole research paper, which is something that I am absolutely terrified about.